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New Year’s Resolutions are dumb, Goals are not dumb

Another year has arrived. Again.

They are calling this one 2016. Did you set your New Year’s Resolutions? If so, ball them up in a wad and throw them into a small fire whilst dancing to your favorite Willie Nelson tune and Snapchat it to me. Useless. Swear.

To be honest, I don’t even know what the word “resolution” means. I had to google it. Google is website that allows you to gather information. Really neat. The definition, turns out, is “a firm decision to do or not do something”. The problem is nobody ever makes “firm” decisions.  When is the last time you made a “firm” decision? You can tell yourself you are NEVER going to eat pizza or inorganic gluten based everything bagels again but, well, no. Firm. That is dumb.

Now we all know the number one “resolution” is to “get healthy”. What does that mean? Not have a heart attack? Breathe everyday? Put on winter weight? Stop eating straight butter sticks?

Now, here is my theory. DON’T MAKE NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS. They don’t work about 100% of the time. Great theory right? I love theories.

Instead, MAKE GOALS. Specifically, make one yearly goal and make 1-3 monthly goals. This, friends, is doable.

Have you ever heard of Facebook? It is a website and mobile phone app. Really neat. The ol boy that started it, Mark, makes one goal a year and usually completes the goal. Last year was to learn Mandarin. This year? Invent a PERSONAL ASSISTANT ROBOT. I swear. Google it.

A robot. The man child wants to invent a robot that will do everything for him. Send me one.  What will he name it?

Did I mention Facebook is worth 266 billion dollars? Not bad for a 31 year old nerd who wants to invent a robot to do his laundry and feed his child.

Now, I think you need to set monthly goals instead of annual but that is just me. My January goal last year was to NOT EAT ANY POTATOES. That eliminated french fries, potato chips, hash browns, potato skins and MASSIVE LOADED BAKED POTATOES. I lost 290 pounds and fell in love. Well, ish.

How do you properly set goats? I am glad you asked. Here you go….set S.M.A.R.T goals. There, now you will be rich with plenty of muscles.

I have no idea who came up with SMART first but essentially it stands for:

S – specific

M – measurable

A – attainable

R – relevant

T – timely

So here is an example – Goal: I want to pet a giraffe. Ok, better goal: I want to pet an adult giraffe 3 times by March 1, 2016. I am not sure if that is relevant to you but I can only assume it is. I also assume you have 10k to fly over to Africa to pet the damn thing or have an uncle who owns a zoo. So, have fun.

What is your goal for 2016? What are your goals for January? Email one or all of them to me and I will check back at the end of the year/month and see if you have accomplished them or email me if you don’t have one and I will give you one


Trey Humphreys

Oh, and rent a Fur Bus please…..